Captivated

Eliminated dreams in what life should be like, clash with what it is now.

Honey touched skin, collaborated reminisce, cure my cataract vision .
red ink stains.

All debts broken, and we are only captivated in each others presents.

Sincerely we free each other.

"nothing last forever"
"I'm still trying to figure that one out."

Twiddled up in an un-fairy tail.

I'll always fallow my heart, 

my brain will always get me out of the sticky ones.

presently perfect.

Perfectly wrong.

My dying breath, with every living memory.

I can't see what's right,

I'm to week, to human, to crazy, to do it alone.

and what is wrong- 

I feel as if I'm running again.

you used to show me.

Was it all in my head, is it still...


With every dying memory, I breath.

I don't see your wrongs,

I initiate, instigate, illuminate, am to independent.

and why I'm not right-

I feel fulfillment.

Let's stand down.

This so long has be come to short, rather fast I fear...

Dear God if there's hope left for me in this world, chain me to it.

Platter of deflection

Blended in lost words, and miss used feelings. Glassed in the memories of past blossoms, savored in scared wounds. Chilled for ignorance & blame. Served with bitterness. Rosted offense, baked for disaster. My stumic is turning, Rocking in turmoil.

I can't take it any more-

Stop, please stop.
Irrational.
Irreplaceable.
Impatient.

wrist are cuffed

How am I feeling?
Like I was up till 6 am crying so hard, I wanted to puke. Like people say there's nothing wrong, but I definitely need 'help'. Like human beings throwing blame out, as if it was candy in a parade. Like I need to know you have forgiven me for the person I was to you, even that is so hard.

Like my wrist are cuffed and I'm still running from the dog.

Pretty sure, I've never felt so alone in my entire life. Definitely like, I've been listening to every one elts my entire life- I listened, I did, and became a zombie. So I'm pretty sure that I'm done listening, because that cost me my dreams. I've never been so sure that I admitted to your accusations, but you're not going to do anything to help me make the change, and like you're one to point a finger.

Thanks a hep, I don't give a shit.
So basically, I feel like it's best if I went away. Far away.
And I will, and I am.

This week in general has just been every reason to smile, and I don't even know why. It feels like everything's come together, or at least closer than is has been for a while. 



There's lost still that I have to do, but with all these done it feel so real to dream again. I've missed that, and I'm so happy it's back. It's much easier to miss everything you had, when you're en-wrapped with the dreams of the future. Less of a bitter tastes, they become more like seasonings. 

So that is that, and I'm off to live more

Open eyes

Hard to keep my eyes open,
"I'll know what I'm looking for, when I find it."
Couple blocks down... then a sate,
"have we really come so far? It's kind of nice."
Christmas comes once a year,
"you are so very generous."

There is:
Smiles.
Hugs.
Heath.
Happiness.
Patience.
achievements.

~Understanding

Every answer is only an opinion.

I'm confused, glad. Last night I told Hannah that I would finally get up and go on our hike that we've been longing for. Her idea: walk around enjoying nature. Mine: Submerge yourself in natures challenge, and conquer it. Provo canyon has some fun, and simple, free handed rock climbing places.

We agreed on hers. I asked her what time, and how long. She was angery... I don't understand. How is planning it out so wrong?
"It's not going to be fun if we put a time limit on it"
"I'm confused, it's a stress reliever for me to have it planned out... make it happen in my head first, then for real, yea know?"
I wasn't trying to up set her. I don't understand why it was so upsetting to her. I mean, I know we all have our own way's of getting things done in life, but why am I ridiculed- or that's what it feels like. I never once told her way's that she should do things. She's given me so much advice, of witch I'm grateful for. I always try to keep my opinions to myself, I never want to upset any one.

We we're shopping. She was attached to a simple graphic 'Throw- down' T - shirt. Another thing I don't understand, she's so against fighting... and that's all Throw- down is about. Maybe I am missing something in the world, but I don't want to ever be anything but every bit of me.

The T-shirt was about $ 30, give or take. And she begged for my in-put: It's a T, to me I'd NEVER spend that much in a T. But if it's worth it to you, and you'll wear it. THEN GET IT.
That mad her mad too...
"You make me feel so stupid! (as she walks out the store)"
.... I really don't understand. Maybe you we're looking for encouragement, but that's not what you asked for- witch was my opinion.
I was reading, Utopia. A traveler was praised by his friend who's opinion was that he should serve a king, why with all his knowledge he could do good to the country. But the traveler knew that kings, and royals seek no ones advice:
"...And among the ministers of princes, there are none that are not so wise as to need no assistance, or at least that do not think themselves so wise that they imagine they need none; and if they court any, it is only those for whom the prince has much personal favor, whom by their fawnings and flatteries they endeavor to fix to their own interests: and indeed Nature has so made us that we all love to be flattered, and to please ourselves with our own notions. The old crow loves his young, and the ape her cubs. Now if in such a court, made up of persons who envy all others, and only admire themselves, a person should but propose anything that he had either read in history or observed in his travels, the rest would think that the reputation of their wisdom would sink, and that their interest would be much depressed, if they could not run it down: and if all other things failed, then they would fly to this, that such or such things pleased our ancestors, and it were well for us if we could but match them. They would set up their rest on such an answer, as a sufficient confutation of all that could be said, as if it were a great misfortune, that any should be found wiser than his ancestors; but though they willingly let go all the good things that were among those of former ages, yet if better things are proposed they cover themselves obstinately with this excuse of reverence to past times. I have met with these proud, morose, and absurd judgments of things in many places, particularly once in England."

In this society, it's every person. I don't think theirs one right or wrong, just matters of cooping. And that's why I try to hold my tong, it's not worth the offense they'll being to you- more often than not, it's not going to change them any way. I'll just converse when we can agree. I'm afraid to talk to much. I'm afraid of flaws, silly right- every one has them.

Hide and seek

Lockets. Perls. Tea. Books. Hats. Heals. Flowers.Long, silky, wavy, golden hair. Sunshine. Dance. Music. Letters.

ShootsN'Laddars

1/19/09. 6/23/09. 9/6/09. 9/29/09. 1/10/10. 1/14/10. 1/17/10. 1/21/10. 2/3/10. 2/13/10. 3/3/10. 3/27/10. 4/5/10. 4/8/10. 5/2/10.
Drawing memories shoots me back to square one.
This time: “Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness.”

Vigilant dandelion wishes are to never cry for you again. No matter how much I care, I wont let you know it.

My heart is with me, and I'm climbing the ladders.

I eat, I sleep, I breath, I pooddlydo,

I live.

My Dad

(or my mothers husband I like to call him)

calls me princess.

He also tells me that my fairy-tail dream

(You know, the kind where

there's never ending love,

happily ever afters,

sweet kisses,

and dare I say...

virginity -maybe at least

purity of heart)

prince is coming for me one day.

Some times

I think

he's already left,

but then again,

I wouldn't blame him.

Even tho he was just a silly boy,

he showed me, I'm no princess

to my dream prince charming

(thanks a heep grass hopper!:]).

I accept

I have A LOT

of flaws

(If you know me,

you probably know them better

than I do).

That need to GO, fast.

That's why

I've got friends.

'Cool' & 'geeky' friends,

Talented friends,

Friends in high places,

best friends,

new & old friends,

I'm thankful for

TRUE FRIENDS.

who will talk shit to my face

so that I can hear it.

Other than that

I blog.

I coach,

Cheer and tumbling.

I hope,

For dandelion wishes

of the world

to come true

I have

no clue what I believe other than:

"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones. I am not afraid."

Marcus Aurelius

I work,

at Sonic as a mangier.

I LOVE school.

I eat,

Not like I should.

I sleep,

When I can.

I breath.

I pooddlydo.

I live.

&

I'm lost in this world.

couple hundred lovers, and one you!

I'm Brittany Elain Castlton.
I've got flaws:
I'm stubborn, I don't know how to hold my tong, I don't fake anything, I talk to much,  care to much, I'm not enthusiastic, I am selfish, & I need convictions. Hannah Hildreth is just that. I could tell you of all the wonderful people in this world that amaze me, and I look up to. How much they inspire me, however Hannah is more than amazement, and inspiration, she is my mirror on the wall. She tells me everything I don't want to admit, in just the way that not only do I hear her, but I listen to her:You don't need to write a letter, bite your tongue, or try to make anything right with any one; just start now, just start new. You don't need to tell any one your plans of making things new, just do it. You don't need to apologies to any one, or call any body out on anything, just make it new and fresh. No more negativity no matter how much they piss you off, no more talking bad about ANY ONE (every one has their reasons, even if no one knows what they are; we just have to accept that). It isn't a process, just make it happen and you will be rewarded for it (~Hannah Hildreth). She understands me threw every pore, more than I understand myself. She's helped me threw my changes in life, and pushes me threw changes I don't want to undergo. I honestly don't know where I would be in this life with out her, or how I mad it threw as far as I did before her. If only I could give back to her as much as she gives me.

"Some times we forget what it all means. Who they were to us. Some times we find the strangest company. And in the time of that company you believe in it forever more.
Then there's time., & life.
Not one person can be there for us all the time. But they time that they can cherish it, you never know how long it's going to last. Memory's aren't built, they are grown.
To those people,. past present and feucher., recognized & suddle,. for every thing we were, we are, we will yet be:

'&and i thought I loved you then,..'
I have a million best friends, couple hundred lovers, and one you!"

Thank you to all the amazing people in this world who have, do, and will take the time to care for me threw all my flaws. For being real people, and teaching me everything you could and can threw just being you. For being there to picking my sorry little ass back up again. I know I'm difficult, thank you for being patient.

Always&Forever

The epidermis of your extrmities chacing figures in my palm.
Here again in my solemn.
Last wishes, to soon it seams.
Isn't late for thease dreams?
Side by side in earthy silks,
fresher love than cattles milk.
I've exceeded the finish line,

with all that's come and gone, life is dandy and fine.

"It's not that bad,

you're be best I ever had."

Damn, I didn't think I could or ever would, but it's true
more than I think, I know, or I like: I still love you.

(Three small words) Forever I do.

"I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always"

convictions

Emerald green held my riches,
Classic cuts remember my smile.
Rare supply's;
I'm going to cole mine:
'...left in my life I will see.'
Tiny treasures,
wrapped in time, 'it seams like yesterday'

Who would I have?

I hate time, there's never enough of it. I want to write, but what would there be to write about if all I did was write. I want to be a protegee, (I wish I could spell... I wish my head was Google) but my brain drives me crazy. I want to be engulfed in society, but silently. I wish I had the patients to tone. It's all about per-portions?? I've accomplished so much, but there's so much more I want to do! I've changed so many lives already. I'm over whelmed, with boardum.
I wanted to leave more than anything! Now that that's almost a reality, I'm scared no terrified. I've given so much here, why not just stay? I have unfinished work, so much more to give. But what am I leaving untouched out there?
I don't understand me, that's why I have you. What would I do if you weren't here, it's been to long to know any more. You can't leave now, we're just getting back to the start, buy adding on more. It's whats best for you, and I; growing up. It sucks, promise me we wont grow apart? Lets make the most of what we still have. 'In the end it'll all work out' after watching Across the universe that statement... I stormed out enraged.
Such a good movie Hannah and I watched the other night. We were the only two in the theater. Remember me, it made me cry. But it had the most amazing message, just perfect for my life right now: Whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But is is very important that you do it. Thank you Gondi!
I've done this before, some one always fills thoes shoes. That's why I have my statment:"... 100 lovers, one you". People have so much to teach you. I think it's about time for a prayer... I haven't said one on a long long time. I always pray in my heart, but I think I've prayed with my heart about twice in my hole life. I think I'm going to start a new blogg, one where I can daily post my life. That might be a mess... maybe I'll just leave out the thought, yes that's it only events.

Heart this girl!

You looked at me Needing me so Yet from your sadness Our happiness grew And I found out I need you too. 

Thank you for being there Hannah, your the most amazing girl I know. I have changed emencly with in these last 4 months, and if I didn't have you there threw all of it, I'm not sure what I would have done. We're going to make it big girl, you and I. It's the best of you and I in the word us. Thank you for taking the time to understand my mind, for being patent with my loganamnosis. Thanks for all you're 'I love yous' you are right, I don't think we use that word enough. 
You've opened my world, word, and mind. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't want to die.

I am the girl who's perfect only threw my imperfections, 'I have no special talents I am only passionately curious (Albert Einstein). simple things, are my greatest joy. Relationship, literature (music for the deaf).'Belief is imagination.At its bestest works.' Then I want to believe: 'Truth is rarely written in ink; it lives in nature.'
Theories are private property, but truth is common stock.
“Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness.”
One boy taught me to be true to myself, if he could only see me now: She changed her belief,when she couldn't change you. I live this life because of him but never for him; it's all to close to the same thing. Irony fills my head with false hopes, or hopes none the less. I want to fill my life with love like that again.In the track of love, you have no obligations, no expectations. You don't feel sorry for yourself or for your partner. Everything is going well for you, and that is why that smile is always on your face. you are feeling good about yourself, and because you are happy, you are kind. Love is always kind, and that kindness makes you generous and opens all the doors (Andrea Fullmer).It's hard to settle for anything less, once you've had the best; Like all dreamers, I mistook disenchantment for truth (~Jean-Paul Sartre). Have I become blinded in depervation, or is there truly some one better?
"Never say that someone completes you. We have to feel whole even when we are by ourselves. Needing a certain someone isn't love, but dependency. Wanting a person to become a part of your life is the best reason for having them. So rather than search for the someone who will complete you, wait for the person that will compliment your completeness."
But I'm happy in this life, being me. Being single, I'm not ready for white flags, am I? It's been a long year, and all this mess around me has finally cleared, can I have a moment just to say hello? Can you let your anger go? It's been a long year, and I'm finally ready to be here (Rosi Golan).

Breath.

I was going to write about how much of it you waist, but that would only contribute.

Synergy, between the both of us. I wonder if it was ever really there.

Family forever, it's true. And the only reason I can't stand you.
If you where just a friend I could
free myself from your dragging influence
on&to
our dysfunctional unit.
Please stop wasting:
Time,
Life.
I gave up a long time ago,
even in a life time there's only so much that can be changed with people like you.

The problem with that girl, it's always just an act. Always. Heliports never faked anything well.

Funny, best friends or worst enemies? Who's problem is it really. Sad, I watched Maddy and Mallory I wanted to cry because the person in my mind was Hannah, not you.
I do love, I am the same. Love could change a relationship, but we're content with the way things are.
Forever.
I can't wait till the day I can breath again.

more I'm exposed

This feeling terrifies me, but I'm not running like we did before. The more I'm exposed, your compelling imperfections define.

how much I wish you the best.
Today I realized,
why we love, what love is, how love works.
It's more than you & me, I'm sorry it had to be that way.
Today I realized,
How much you aren't, by how much you are.
I'm over us, you & me.
You never loved me, & I'm okay with it.
Today,
I read a Blogg from Brandon's profile, I wouldn't for a single moment erase you from my memory. With out you, who I am wouldn't be possible. I fully understood why you where in my life, it's more than words can express. Just as my gratitude is. The only thing I can do to fully thank you, is by not. All the pain I felt for us, was really all for him. Just how much you don't care, is understood.
I will always love you, but not for what I once did, or even how I did. I'm grateful for more than just the change, but our time. Our memories are precious, nearly sacred. We we're never meant to be anything more than show n' tell.
Today I realized,
just how much every person really means to me, how much you meant to me. But most of all, what you honestly meant to me.

There is hope, love still in my life I will see. A little something like this:

Simple affections.

Ever more.

walking the same path

Each others strength.

What if I fall and hurt myself, would you know how to fix me. Lost, find me. Forgot who I am, remind me.

Congratulations Steph and Kale, you are my living hope.

Truth deserves more than seconds, the main cores. So here's the truth:

Nothing of character is really permanent but virtue and personal worth. ~Daniel Webster

I'm annoyed, with judgment but most of all ignorance (extremely!). Even when I laid by it's side, acceptance, curiosity, wonder & amazement over whelmed. How can people be concerned so much about themselves? I've never been a child of the century, I'm not talking about technology but society (devastating the majority are: monkey see, monkey do). We all where tough self pride, I learned dignity.
If you're reading this, you've been in my life one way or another, you've entered the contract of Because I care . I care about the individuality of each and every person. I'd give my life for any one of you, truly.
When I was about the age of 14 I struggled with the belief of god's love. Finally about the age of 16 I understood (any of my relatives may recall when I bore my testimony that summer during our reunion Sunday). Gods love for me showed me his love for others, I feel it to this day.
You remember the girl shy quite? You called her remarkable, one of the most diligent to the doctrine. Me, I always went along with you're preachings hoping one day I'd believe it as much as I craved it. It took one boy to show me how to be true to myself, then a couple best friends to remind me who that was.

Truth can stand by itself. ~Brittany Castleton
Truth is rarely writ in ink; it lives in nature. ~Martin H. Fischer

Bluntly I'm young, but not a fool by any means. If religion wasn't the embrace of ignorance you could see it too. Mother you want the best for me, isn't the best only happiness? I know it now better than ever before. When I was 10 I wanted to wear tank tops, you told me I was to prepare to where garments, helplessly obedient. Father said: we should have worried about her. What was the sin? I loved him, divorce is separation just the same. Plainly I want to express, if only you could turn those plastic blinds, it pains me.

I'm grateful:
For those simple notes, from one kind heart appreciating another.

Just be, fear not.

simple actions taken to show the same curtsies god gives each of us is understood by more than just me.
For those friends who are miles away but still txt me just to catch up.
For bloggs (notes) to build our bond the way I long, to keep up dated, to love you as if things never changed.
For words of understanding, judgment free our shared appreciation.
(the list goes on).
Earlier this evening my heart was full with bitterness for caring so much about each individual, these (memories) kind acts washed me clean of bitter selfishness. Heart full, over flowing tears of joy. Time is so little, but growing only deeper. Can you change your focal point, this is what concerns you?

Can we get back to when we saw each others eyes. ~ John McLaughlin
I'm starting with the man in the mirror ~Micheal Jackson

Vigilant crying shame.

Plagiarized & re-written preachings to the choir, exasperating when books are closed. Never crying wolf, black sheep stole for survival. Justify what you can prove, sentience stays the same: 'guilty' will walk free. Dignity in pride farther from stuffing witch bloats your royalty, pathetic shame. You're making me nervous with your collected traits of past mistakes. Vigilant dandelion wishes, it that what this is?

Photograph from Lexi Shropple.

“Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness.”

her white dress

Systems we know to be flawed, you use regardless. 

Complimentary are your words, actions so strange.

Beauty in simplicity & dignity. 

I'll open the door, if you'll give me the key. 

When I was young, her white dress was all I wanted to wear. But now, even love I fear. 

blocking answer, keep me pondering.

Life's circle.

 To put this simply,

I am,

perfect

only threw my imperfections.

What you are,

lover?

absent of a list

because I am only human.

All this is:

wanting, wondering.

Sincerely, 

patients.

She got a call.

She was having a discussion, & she left crying. Last night was mirage counseling, I think she'll relies he's hopeless. She got a call last night saying her brothers wife is filing for divorce. Let's pray he's not in it alone. Deprivation may be love. Younger ones would have twice as much, odd that it's subtraction rather than addition. She'll have freedom to smile, and live as she should have. Coiled thick in your blood, control is your poison. In inheritance, I will have NO part of. Take a step down, it's your last hope for normalcy.

Males

Words to live by, 'treat people how you'd like to be treated' contradiction of your actions. Agreement isn't my idea for normalcy, our time is best spent apart. Every one has an opinion of belief, ignorance has no limitation. Present your body language, even Galen (child genius) was a fool. Call me your pride, love, & joy. Show me your affection. When it comes down to this: Ignorance is truly only blissfulness, while I am ungainly crazy. If love exist, nature yes. No, he was a saint & I'll believe.

Title Free Memorie

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles"

I sat in that room, with every desire, the constant urge longing. You thought me the tools, rules that guide the mind of pure talents. Filled my worlds, monks belief ignorance of their filled monastery. Application, it wasn't a desire lacking. But understanding, of a recent gain. Driving me in this hope-filled sanity. Practice my lover persistent these days of this. Lissa Simmons, God bless.

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

Only love.

Simple blissfulness will not stop the thoughts. Processing them is well out of order now, worn out, broken. I'm so very board. Our relationship nurtured individual growth. Threw every imperfection the only reason simply just is (or was), & in the words of Jason Muraz: justifying the reasons why is an absolutely insane resolution to live by.

I get so much father, finding my self only closer. Improvement each time, however your hieroglyphics in the back of my mind. Changing my have to's, it's difficult to find a want to when we were so much. It's not you I should be so concerned about, new evidence for my selfishness. Perhaps our indifference. Vocalizing threw a music, literature, art. I'm so very board.

Each day brings beginning's, Society to impress. I'm so very board. Single occupies those over whelming plurals, & I miss only the love. He must be perfect absent of this 'list,' my crime filled step you where once before. Empowering my strength to believe.

Carefulness for what you wish for, days are never given back. Patients is a virtue, it's drying in a drought. I am so very board. Flaws diminishing.

*Dedicated song to note is : you still hurt me William Fitzsimmons.

Cheers to smiles

It's come around,
I looked back at all the photos,

"Reasons to smile"

& I can smile
again
as I once did.
Life has changed.
I drink socially, not at parties.
Belief is Karma.
Truth is needing some tweaking.
Friends are married,
engaged,
But I have spent time enjoying the simple company.

"Friends are like clovers; hard to find and lucky to have"

& I am reminded to smile,
laugh,
& love.
Thank you dear friends.
I'm ready for what the next journey lies ahead.

"Be just, and fear not."

Dry flower

Remember when you where young?
Mothers treasure chest, you'd find her white dress.
People always told you,
'develop in you the perfect him'
So you did.
Ballet classes.Piano recitals. School show cases. Hours of practice. Lessons attended.
Special occasions typically brought flowers.

Symbols of what?
Efforts closer to perfection. Caring love. Appreciation of you. Birthday's.

Even water couldn't stop the wilting.

They told you,

'so it is, life'

You believed.

Life eternal. First impressions. Ever lasting love. Pain diminished.

Introduction to society brings truth

Change belief?

you ask,

'talent told for what,

lord can you hear me now'

White dress, just to wear. dreams, so sorry.

Preserve it for memory

dry.

She changed her, when she couldn't change you.

Truth

Better keep yourself clean and bright. You are the window through which you must see the world.

"In the end, the number of prayers we say may contribute to our happiness, but the number of prayers we answer may be of even greater importance."
- Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Don't let yesterdays disappointments overshadow tomorrows dream

“Imagination is more important than knowledge. For while knowledge defines all we currently know and understand, imagination points to all we might yet discover and create."


If we are what we belief then I am psychotic.
My life is not 'normal' (per-say).
When I was young I believed (*indicate now):
-Hope in a person is better than a fear of deprivation.
*Hard to keep.It is the person we are, who creates the bond to the rest of the world my dear.

-Faith creates miracles.
*There is something that is much more scarce, something rarer than ability. It is the ability to recognize ability.
- Robert Half

-Knowledge just was.
*Crave.Thirst.Indulge.

-Mother would be the one to understand everything.
*To hide my tears is easier than for you to understand them.

-Love most personally was a fairytale.
*"What lies behind us, and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. "

-There was only one you
*biology nerds, cheer freaks, heart broken, caring individuals.
&Best friends are not hard to keep, or find.But a Hannah is.


-Best friends where singular.
*The seasons have changed from present to past.

-Lies where seldom

-Recalling a name was not for intentions of Discovering an old time friend.


.make it easy, again.
Life.Time. Reflection.

In every way.

Acceptance.

Truth
No matter the degree of agreement, the difference is not compelling.
You understand me threw every pore.
Honest
Words are pure.
A common lack in the present world.
Love
Is showed best threw your simple truths in my moments of blindness.
knowledge
From life, you share.
Of academics is impressive.
Folish
Rarely. But understood.
Amazing
in every way.
Belief
Karma. Wouldn't you agree?

Best friends are not hard to keep, or find.
But a Hannah is.

"limitless is your potential. Magnificent is your future... if you take control of it."
Perfectly imperfect&bitterly sweet.If you need to fall appart, I can mend a broken heart.
One standard only: honesty&honestly.
Curiosity has got the better of me."some times that mountain you've been climbing..."
Love almost any one, flaw or flawless?

I accept any one, for everything they are. I don't judge, and I am not judged. I am loving to many and loved by many.
I enjoy a little bit of everything. Parting in the club
or ridding out in the back country.
*Movies, Chick flicks: What happens in Vegas, 500 days of summer. *Hikes.*LLLLLLOOOOOONNNNNGGGGwalks.*Music:country first, &on it goes. Jason Muraz, Feist, angels and air waves, Gregory, plumb, Andrew merit. *Sunset, stars, sunrise:
"A beautiful girl cannot be beautiful if she doesn't learn to apprechiate the beauty around her."
Goals

achieved: doctor, Dance in Cali., never grow old, Live happily ever after: I have come to the fact that we may never talk again, & at the time it hurt, but for what it's worth these unsaid words are developing everyday
"if I learned anything at all it was to always be true to yourself." -Thanks Austin.
Tumble.Dance.Love,grow,hope:
"you could be happy and I hope you are."
I don't know what I knew before. But now I know I wanna win the war. Sometimes you know more is less.
The truth lies.
The truth lied.
And lies divide.
Lies divide.

Dear Maddy.

This month has been quite the month, blast from the past really.

But today was the event of a life time.

Dear Maddy.

I am sorry that you felt so compelled to find the once lover of Austin Farley. Yes, I am in wonder of the inconvenience you put yourself at to find me, much less the why. However, I'm sure you found all you are looking for (discarding the need for our 'friend ship'), therefor the comfort of my ease I'm sure is not of your intention. Let me assure you, if you had dealt your cards a little smother, I also would not have put myself threw the same inconvenience to discover your intentions of adding me. And in my discovery I found myself a laughing stock, to think of our compelling differences, in every way. I am sorry, so sorry, for it is the punchline witch brings me to tears, doesn't the ex. normally play the role of stalking? No matter, my intentions of this letter are simple, as before stated: I am sorry that you felt so compelled to find the once lover of Austin Farley.
You, my dear, are of no consequence to me. Call me psychotic, but I am not the one chasing around a fear of deprivation. I wish you & Austin nothing more than happiness (a promise once made to a hopeless lover).
Sincerely,
Brittany Castleton



*** txt conversation between Austin & I (4 am).

B: Isn't the ex supposed to play the role of the stalker? Why'd dear Maddy Gail add me on myspace? Whats the need. my profiles not private? Altho I must say her timing is rather quencidntal, you must agree.

A: Quencedental? How?And sorry I didn't know. I never even told her your last name or anything it must have been one of my friends or something that told her it was you.
B: I did not hink it was you. But I still do not understand why she did, if she wanted to fund something out about me she didn't need to add me. So...?...

A; I have no ideah. I'm going to ask her whats tomarrow.

B:Are you happy with her? well duh you are or you wouldn't be dating her, sorry...

A:yea

B:Well good :]. I'm happy for you then. I guess we both changed.

A:Yea.. You with someone

B: Haha I was, he drove me crazy tho, SUPPER clingy. No no, I'm very happy being signal. I go on plenty of dates, but a relationship isn't anything I want.

A:O that's good

B:Yes sir :]. Hey, I need to thank you. You taught me alot of things, You completely changed my world, me beliefs. Any way, I'm glad we are both happy.

A:Ha. yea. Question though, Did she ask or say anything to you?

B: Not really. I mean I asked her how I knew her face around 3 but I had to head out. So I looked at her pictures & figured out who she is, but I wanted to see why she added me so I left her as a friend. But then she replyed no you don't and deleted me as a friend. Seams a little odd to me, I wrote her back a long letter, you can read it.

A:I told her to delete you.

B: Why? lol.

A:Cause if she had a question she should just ask me not my ex. what was the letter about

B: Very smart Austin Farley. I agree very much I told her I was sorry that she had to go out of her way to find me. Basically stating that she should do the very fact you just stated, ask you. But I never said that planly. & that if her intentions where to hurt me, I would be nothing but over joyed to hear you are happy.

A:Yea

B: I still can't figure out why she added me, my profile isn't private. She had a purpose in doing so.

A:Yea idk I'll find out tommarrow. But i'm tired so i'm going back to bed.

B: Haha. Goodnight Austin Farley. & good luck with dear Maddy. Lovely chatting with you.
Madison's reply:
okay...i would just like to let you know. i didn't add you for any of those reasons. i didn't add you cause i thought you were crazy. hun, i to have been called crazy and i completely understand where you are coming from. i hold a quality that most poeple dont posses. its called compassion. i have been called the crazy ex. the reason why i added you was out of simple curiousity. if it bothered you or something im sorry. that was not my intensions. im sorry that we had to have this mishap. please accept my apology, and yes in sincere. if thats how you spell it? lol.


Dear Maddy,
I full heartedly accept your apology. I must admit, I judged you quite rash. I am relived to know your stamina as a person. Things make much more sense now. However I still do not understand why you found the need to add me, my profile is not private. Therefor any digging you wish to aquare could have been done just as simply. No matter now, it's all in the past. Maybe we are not so different. So what was it, my dear, that you where so curious about?
I'm VERY sorry for my accusations, Let me assure you, judgment is not of my natural nature. if you would like to be friends I am fine with that. Altho, I feel Austin would hardly consent. But what is the matter of boys? :) Just kidding. Thank you for your kind words, maturity, & compassion. I am still young, & have much to learn.
tata for now.
Brittany Castleton

Year 1

The one day I could have been spent around so many loving people to keep me safe. Jan 1. It was year 1.
Each one of us go back to reminisce each year our pains & joys. Goal's achieved & set. I will not tatle on about the past, & while it is developing me with each new day. It is the development that would be so intriguing.
I am reminded how big of a difference one person can have on an entire community. That this year, questions will be asked, with answers to receive. Friends aren't defined by the amount of socialization, but by the bond of caring. That bond made will hold your name strong, & fight for everything that they mean.

& Milk shakes will make you pee with a laugh.
It's year one.

“Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.”

Things have finally come around. Theirs two ways to interpret my belief, it's what I conceive, or it's the plan truth. According to my life in general, with ease year one is just be the binging. Weather or not a relationship is grater developed, or our bond will be grater tied. You sir may never know the story you have written, belief you have developed in me, & perhaps greatest of all the lesson you tought:
"if I learned anything at all it was to be true to yourself."
That lesson had lead me to a momentous understanding of life. I have developed the understanding of each letter in the ABC's & slowly I am putting together words, then their definitions. All of witch could not have come with out your bitterly sweet joyfully painful lesson. Thank you.

Thank you,

Dear sweet friends Your words couldn't have meant more to a single soul. For giving me something to believe in, with good memories old & new. For believing in me. For ALWAYS being there, no matter what. My joy is grater than it ever was.
Madison & Lexi you thought me the value of word precision with the arts their in.
The Anderson's & Donelle Teaching was more than experience, more than money, more than time spent with the students, more than helping them develop a talent, more than missing being in class, it was knowing I am loved by so many people. Their smiling faces, excited words to tell me all about their past week, That feeling I got walking threw the door & hearing them say my name with such love.

Because they are my pride a joy!!

Friend ships I have developed even greater.

Hannah

Steph

Stephen

Family

Scott& Danni, Much much more. & onces I've kept.
Cheer

O my justifying reasons why is an absolute insane resolution to live by

You thought me alot about myself. I'm so glad I've had this time to get to know each one of you! You're all amazing & I'm going to miss you. & Stephany Cox couldn't have done this with out you! Thank you all for being more than my squad.

I love my nerdy cheer girls & boys! :)

Year one. I learned to read, you all gave me stories.
love,
2009.