Who would I have?

I hate time, there's never enough of it. I want to write, but what would there be to write about if all I did was write. I want to be a protegee, (I wish I could spell... I wish my head was Google) but my brain drives me crazy. I want to be engulfed in society, but silently. I wish I had the patients to tone. It's all about per-portions?? I've accomplished so much, but there's so much more I want to do! I've changed so many lives already. I'm over whelmed, with boardum.
I wanted to leave more than anything! Now that that's almost a reality, I'm scared no terrified. I've given so much here, why not just stay? I have unfinished work, so much more to give. But what am I leaving untouched out there?
I don't understand me, that's why I have you. What would I do if you weren't here, it's been to long to know any more. You can't leave now, we're just getting back to the start, buy adding on more. It's whats best for you, and I; growing up. It sucks, promise me we wont grow apart? Lets make the most of what we still have. 'In the end it'll all work out' after watching Across the universe that statement... I stormed out enraged.
Such a good movie Hannah and I watched the other night. We were the only two in the theater. Remember me, it made me cry. But it had the most amazing message, just perfect for my life right now: Whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But is is very important that you do it. Thank you Gondi!
I've done this before, some one always fills thoes shoes. That's why I have my statment:"... 100 lovers, one you". People have so much to teach you. I think it's about time for a prayer... I haven't said one on a long long time. I always pray in my heart, but I think I've prayed with my heart about twice in my hole life. I think I'm going to start a new blogg, one where I can daily post my life. That might be a mess... maybe I'll just leave out the thought, yes that's it only events.

Heart this girl!

You looked at me Needing me so Yet from your sadness Our happiness grew And I found out I need you too. 

Thank you for being there Hannah, your the most amazing girl I know. I have changed emencly with in these last 4 months, and if I didn't have you there threw all of it, I'm not sure what I would have done. We're going to make it big girl, you and I. It's the best of you and I in the word us. Thank you for taking the time to understand my mind, for being patent with my loganamnosis. Thanks for all you're 'I love yous' you are right, I don't think we use that word enough. 
You've opened my world, word, and mind. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! I love you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't want to die.

I am the girl who's perfect only threw my imperfections, 'I have no special talents I am only passionately curious (Albert Einstein). simple things, are my greatest joy. Relationship, literature (music for the deaf).'Belief is imagination.At its bestest works.' Then I want to believe: 'Truth is rarely written in ink; it lives in nature.'
Theories are private property, but truth is common stock.
“Unless your heart, your soul, and your whole being are behind every decision you make, the words from your mouth will be empty, and each action will be meaningless. Truth and confidence are the roots of happiness.”
One boy taught me to be true to myself, if he could only see me now: She changed her belief,when she couldn't change you. I live this life because of him but never for him; it's all to close to the same thing. Irony fills my head with false hopes, or hopes none the less. I want to fill my life with love like that again.In the track of love, you have no obligations, no expectations. You don't feel sorry for yourself or for your partner. Everything is going well for you, and that is why that smile is always on your face. you are feeling good about yourself, and because you are happy, you are kind. Love is always kind, and that kindness makes you generous and opens all the doors (Andrea Fullmer).It's hard to settle for anything less, once you've had the best; Like all dreamers, I mistook disenchantment for truth (~Jean-Paul Sartre). Have I become blinded in depervation, or is there truly some one better?
"Never say that someone completes you. We have to feel whole even when we are by ourselves. Needing a certain someone isn't love, but dependency. Wanting a person to become a part of your life is the best reason for having them. So rather than search for the someone who will complete you, wait for the person that will compliment your completeness."
But I'm happy in this life, being me. Being single, I'm not ready for white flags, am I? It's been a long year, and all this mess around me has finally cleared, can I have a moment just to say hello? Can you let your anger go? It's been a long year, and I'm finally ready to be here (Rosi Golan).

Breath.

I was going to write about how much of it you waist, but that would only contribute.

Synergy, between the both of us. I wonder if it was ever really there.

Family forever, it's true. And the only reason I can't stand you.
If you where just a friend I could
free myself from your dragging influence
on&to
our dysfunctional unit.
Please stop wasting:
Time,
Life.
I gave up a long time ago,
even in a life time there's only so much that can be changed with people like you.

The problem with that girl, it's always just an act. Always. Heliports never faked anything well.

Funny, best friends or worst enemies? Who's problem is it really. Sad, I watched Maddy and Mallory I wanted to cry because the person in my mind was Hannah, not you.
I do love, I am the same. Love could change a relationship, but we're content with the way things are.
Forever.
I can't wait till the day I can breath again.

more I'm exposed

This feeling terrifies me, but I'm not running like we did before. The more I'm exposed, your compelling imperfections define.

how much I wish you the best.
Today I realized,
why we love, what love is, how love works.
It's more than you & me, I'm sorry it had to be that way.
Today I realized,
How much you aren't, by how much you are.
I'm over us, you & me.
You never loved me, & I'm okay with it.
Today,
I read a Blogg from Brandon's profile, I wouldn't for a single moment erase you from my memory. With out you, who I am wouldn't be possible. I fully understood why you where in my life, it's more than words can express. Just as my gratitude is. The only thing I can do to fully thank you, is by not. All the pain I felt for us, was really all for him. Just how much you don't care, is understood.
I will always love you, but not for what I once did, or even how I did. I'm grateful for more than just the change, but our time. Our memories are precious, nearly sacred. We we're never meant to be anything more than show n' tell.
Today I realized,
just how much every person really means to me, how much you meant to me. But most of all, what you honestly meant to me.

There is hope, love still in my life I will see. A little something like this:

Simple affections.

Ever more.

walking the same path

Each others strength.

What if I fall and hurt myself, would you know how to fix me. Lost, find me. Forgot who I am, remind me.

Congratulations Steph and Kale, you are my living hope.

Truth deserves more than seconds, the main cores. So here's the truth:

Nothing of character is really permanent but virtue and personal worth. ~Daniel Webster

I'm annoyed, with judgment but most of all ignorance (extremely!). Even when I laid by it's side, acceptance, curiosity, wonder & amazement over whelmed. How can people be concerned so much about themselves? I've never been a child of the century, I'm not talking about technology but society (devastating the majority are: monkey see, monkey do). We all where tough self pride, I learned dignity.
If you're reading this, you've been in my life one way or another, you've entered the contract of Because I care . I care about the individuality of each and every person. I'd give my life for any one of you, truly.
When I was about the age of 14 I struggled with the belief of god's love. Finally about the age of 16 I understood (any of my relatives may recall when I bore my testimony that summer during our reunion Sunday). Gods love for me showed me his love for others, I feel it to this day.
You remember the girl shy quite? You called her remarkable, one of the most diligent to the doctrine. Me, I always went along with you're preachings hoping one day I'd believe it as much as I craved it. It took one boy to show me how to be true to myself, then a couple best friends to remind me who that was.

Truth can stand by itself. ~Brittany Castleton
Truth is rarely writ in ink; it lives in nature. ~Martin H. Fischer

Bluntly I'm young, but not a fool by any means. If religion wasn't the embrace of ignorance you could see it too. Mother you want the best for me, isn't the best only happiness? I know it now better than ever before. When I was 10 I wanted to wear tank tops, you told me I was to prepare to where garments, helplessly obedient. Father said: we should have worried about her. What was the sin? I loved him, divorce is separation just the same. Plainly I want to express, if only you could turn those plastic blinds, it pains me.

I'm grateful:
For those simple notes, from one kind heart appreciating another.

Just be, fear not.

simple actions taken to show the same curtsies god gives each of us is understood by more than just me.
For those friends who are miles away but still txt me just to catch up.
For bloggs (notes) to build our bond the way I long, to keep up dated, to love you as if things never changed.
For words of understanding, judgment free our shared appreciation.
(the list goes on).
Earlier this evening my heart was full with bitterness for caring so much about each individual, these (memories) kind acts washed me clean of bitter selfishness. Heart full, over flowing tears of joy. Time is so little, but growing only deeper. Can you change your focal point, this is what concerns you?

Can we get back to when we saw each others eyes. ~ John McLaughlin
I'm starting with the man in the mirror ~Micheal Jackson