I don't

I don't want to grow old, just wiser.

I don't want to be told, just take me by the hand and show me.

I don't want to be child-ish, just child like.

I don't want to of the world, just in it.

I don't want to be a student, just a protege.

I don't want to be strong, just brave.

I don't want to make love, just be in love.

I don't want to see with my eyes, just my heart...

& I most exceptionally do want to smile.

Something familiar

An incandescent mind, yearning.

my life agenda

An ideal world, corrupted.

intelligent dicernments

I am not a writer, I am a poet.



In retrospect

Recently I asked my 'students' to respond to Dr. Melvin's Fitz theory, witch is idea of conceptual learning. After the last couple of weeks, this theory has become more apparent in my life. People have desire, but few have perseverance. Some times I am envious, and wish I didn't have such acclaimed attributes.

I dwell on what a life lead in such a manner might be like. But much more often I'm contemplating the most efficient way to diminish my imperfections. 'Giving up' always seems to be the most appealing, and yet.. it's always my last resort. What my student's seemed to miss when I asked for their response was that I was asking for them to look at life in (as Kezzy would put it) in retrospect.

In retrospect, life's ambitions must be pursued with humility. In retrospect, passion will never lead you wrong. In retrospect every one is naive, ignorant, intolerant, and incompetent. And in retrospect, "practice doesn't make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect." -Elite Tumbling. To reiterate the cold hard monopoly fact of life; it sucks. There is always uncertainty, however conceptional learning is essential to forward motion. So never surrender to the fear of uncertainty, rather take the bitterness of life and sweeten it with benefit of boldness and humanity. Drape yourself in dignity.

Captivated

Eliminated dreams in what life should be like, clash with what it is now.

Honey touched skin, collaborated reminisce, cure my cataract vision .
red ink stains.

All debts broken, and we are only captivated in each others presents.

Sincerely we free each other.

"nothing last forever"
"I'm still trying to figure that one out."

Twiddled up in an un-fairy tail.

I'll always fallow my heart, 

my brain will always get me out of the sticky ones.

presently perfect.

Perfectly wrong.

My dying breath, with every living memory.

I can't see what's right,

I'm to week, to human, to crazy, to do it alone.

and what is wrong- 

I feel as if I'm running again.

you used to show me.

Was it all in my head, is it still...


With every dying memory, I breath.

I don't see your wrongs,

I initiate, instigate, illuminate, am to independent.

and why I'm not right-

I feel fulfillment.

Let's stand down.

This so long has be come to short, rather fast I fear...

Dear God if there's hope left for me in this world, chain me to it.

Platter of deflection

Blended in lost words, and miss used feelings. Glassed in the memories of past blossoms, savored in scared wounds. Chilled for ignorance & blame. Served with bitterness. Rosted offense, baked for disaster. My stumic is turning, Rocking in turmoil.

I can't take it any more-

Stop, please stop.
Irrational.
Irreplaceable.
Impatient.

wrist are cuffed

How am I feeling?
Like I was up till 6 am crying so hard, I wanted to puke. Like people say there's nothing wrong, but I definitely need 'help'. Like human beings throwing blame out, as if it was candy in a parade. Like I need to know you have forgiven me for the person I was to you, even that is so hard.

Like my wrist are cuffed and I'm still running from the dog.

Pretty sure, I've never felt so alone in my entire life. Definitely like, I've been listening to every one elts my entire life- I listened, I did, and became a zombie. So I'm pretty sure that I'm done listening, because that cost me my dreams. I've never been so sure that I admitted to your accusations, but you're not going to do anything to help me make the change, and like you're one to point a finger.

Thanks a hep, I don't give a shit.
So basically, I feel like it's best if I went away. Far away.
And I will, and I am.